The Edmondson Blog


One Liners

A backward poet writes inverse.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Is a man who jumps off a bridge in Paris, in Seine?

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

I wondered why the football kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said, "Keep off the Grass."

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was arrested for littering.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

A grenade thrown into a French carpet shop would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital, when his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse told her, "No change yet."

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

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